Parents: How We Can Be the Math Teachers Our Children Need Right Now
Math is often a lightening rod for anxiety. As a math teacher and tutor, I can’t count the number of times a day I hear students (and parents!) tell me, “I’m not a math person!” with either a nervous laugh or serious panic. Meanwhile, our shelter-at-home means that students may not have as much instant access to their math teachers. But parents: there are ways that you CAN help, and you don’t have to end up in a screaming match with your child that leaves them feeling helpless and you feeling inadequate. Below, some tips to prepare yourself now so you’ll have a possible strategy the next time your child asks for help.
Know that some of the math anxiety you (and/or your child) feel is likely based on past [bad] experiences. Maybe you had a middle school teacher you couldn’t communicate with. Maybe you were shamed in elementary school (I was,) or you struggled in algebra while your friends flew by. See if you can separate that out for now, and enter the present knowing that you now have a lifetime of experience as a problem-solver. That’s what you’ll use with your child.
Try NOT to say to your child, “I’m not a math person.” Really. It would actually be great for no one to ever say that phrase again. It perpetuates a completely false idea that there even *is* such thing as a math person. There are so many ways of solving a problem, and you don’t want your kid to hear that phrase and then possibly decide later, “Maybe I’m not a math person either.” Just drop all that and be with the child in front of you.
Start by aiming to let your child teach *you.* One mistake I often see parents make is hearing the request for help and then swooping in to try to prove that they know what they are doing. (See #1. Relax.). Your silent suspicions are correct, you probably don’t know how math is being taught these days, because strategies and styles vary and shift often. One elementary school may use Singapore math and you may not know about ‘houses.’ Or maybe you don’t remember geometric formulas or how to write a proof. THIS MAY NOT MATTER. Aim to be with your child and let him tell you what he is working on. Maybe prompt him with, “I get that something is hard here, can you describe some of what the teacher/problem set is asking you about?” Get them talking. More on this in #4.
Recent neurological research shows that when we engage the brain in multiple ways simultaneously, more comprehensive learning occurs. In other words, when we are talking, writing, drawing, and looking at pictures about a topic, our brains are firing in more ways, and new stuff will ‘stick’ better. Practice working this way and you may even discover that your child is (and maybe even you are!) a visual learner who benefits from seeing a diagram — even if you have to make one up together to go with the math problem. Sometimes, if you can get your child talking, diagraming, and explaining to you, this is the point at which she may say, “Oh, I get it now Mom. Nevermind, I don’t need you.” [Cue: leave the table. Give her space to work now.]
Your continuing to work with your child may be helpful if you are calm (see: #1, 2, and 3.) Maybe you do remember something about geometry after all. And when you and your child need more guidance, there are some good online resources. Sal Khan’s free khanacademy.com website is always the first place I suggest, as he has thousands of tutorials kids can watch to see him work through every step and concept. He has a pleasant voice and he anticipates pitfalls, and later, your child can do some practice problems right on the site. Check out the site yourself, you’ll see that you are indeed a math person.
IXL.com is another good online resource that I like for students to use as practice. Practice is important, because it solidifies whatever new brain paths have been created with the new material. That whole page of practice that the teacher assigned? Yes, it’s good, and it’s not busywork. Without it, it‘s like learning how to use a new weight machine and then doing only one rep.
If your student is getting frustrated to the point they can’t relax, concentrate, and persevere, this may be the time to set up either office hours online with their teacher or some Zoom time with a math tutor for one-on-one direct instruction. Even if this is the route your child needs, walking through the above steps first may help both of you soothe some of the anxiety around math and not end up in a huge argument. Perhaps most importantly, you’ve modeled for your child that we humans are capable of sitting with something that makes us nervous. And this is certainly a skill that is worth practicing today.
